


Him

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Gay, Like very minor, M/M, Mentioned Stray Kids Ensemble, Minor Violence, changlix, i hate that i wrote this tbh, idk how i feel about this tbh, im sorry, possible trigger warning, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 18:28:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I walk the streets of Sydney, Australia. I hold my lover by the hand. I feel you staring when he is with me. How can I make you understand?





	Him

**Author's Note:**

> This mess of angst was inspired by the song HIM by Sam Smith. You don't have to listen while reading or anything but it will probably make a lot more sense if you're familiar with the track ;D

**_“Holy Father, we need to talk. I have a secret that I can’t keep.”_ **

Felix took a deep breath as he opened the doors to his house. It’s been a while since he’s seen either of his parents. He’s missed them so much, but he’s been dreading this day for months. He knew he had already put this off for too many years, he was just hoping that he had a little bit more time.

__

_“Lix, we’re touring in Australia, you’re going to be seeing your parents. I think it’s time you tell them the truth. You can’t keep hiding this.” His members would tell him. They make it sound so easy. ‘_ just tell them _’ they said, ‘_ you’re going to be fine _’ they said. But it wasn’t that simple, and Lee Felix has a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach._

****

**_“I’m not the boy that you thought you wanted.”_ **

He walks into his childhood home in Sydney, hugging his mother and father with a forced smile on his face because he knows what’s coming next. When he sits on the couch his legs feel like jelly while the rest of him was tense. He tried to appear as if nothing was wrong, but his parents raised him, and they knew him too well. They catch on to his strange behavior and he motions for them to sit. His mouth is dry, and his palms are sweaty as he dries to find the right way to tell them everything.  


_“Changbin-hyung… it’s not that easy. My parents aren’t exactly the most understanding people. What if they disown me completely…? I don’t think I can live with myself.”  
“You won’t be alone, Lix. I’m here remember?” Changbin grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, and Felix relaxed slightly._

****

**_“Please don’t get angry. Have faith in me.”_ **

As expected, his father isn’t happy, and his mother has to hold the man back from throwing things across the room at their son. Felix sits in silence, numb to the world that was starting to crash down around him. This is exactly what he was afraid of, and it was exactly why he said no when his boyfriend had suggested being there with him for this “big moment”.  


_“Binnie I need you to trust that I can do this myself. It is my family after all.” He tried to assure the older boy that he was going to be alright on his own._

 

**_“Say I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t give up his touch. It is him I love.”_ **

‘Get out of here you disgrace!!’ his father screams. His mother is in tears, begging her husband to leave the poor kid alone. Felix had a little bit of hope that his eomma would be on his side, that she would protect him from his father’s swinging fists. His mother tries to reason with the horrifying beast that her husband was turning into, suggesting that he can be “fixed” … She had used the word _fixed_ … She also thought her son was broken, she just decided to hurt him with her words instead. Honestly, Felix preferred the violence, because physical wounds would have been so much easier to heal.  


A single tear rolls down the blonde boy’s freckled cheek.

 

**_“It is him”_ **

Taking a deep breath, Felix tries to think only about the reason he’s doing this. His boyfriend, Changbin. In the span of less than a year, his whole world had begun to revolve around the shorter, dark-haired boy. Ever since he had moved to Korea to pursue his dreams (yet another thing his parents disapproved of), Seo Changbin has kept Felix grounded. Changbin had also fallen deeply in love with the boy that had added some much-needed sunshine into his life.

 

**_“Don’t you try and tell me that God doesn’t care for us, it is him I love”_ **

‘Take that cross off your neck, son. You’ve obviously lost your faith!’ His father grabs him by the collar, shaking him violently and spitting out insult after insult. After calling his disowned son as many slurs as he could create in his mind, he throws him onto the floor. Felix braces himself for the worst when he hears the door opening, followed by a familiar cry.

 

**_“It is him I love”_ **

‘Felix!! What are you doing you bastard?!’ Felix recognizes the voice of his boyfriend, confronting his father. He wipes the tears from his eyes and sits up just in time to watch Changbin fall to the ground after receiving a strong right hook. Any remaining strength that Felix had had left him when he saw the horrid sight. _This was never supposed to happen… Felix was supposed to have a loving and supportive family, not a father who would turn on him and try to kill him the second he found out that his son was gay._ While the shorter boy is recovering, Mr. Lee kicks him square in the ribs while barking out even more creatively hurtful insults.

 

**_“Holy Father judge my sins. I’m not afraid of what they will bring.”_ **

The only thing the Felix can think to do is run over to his half-conscious partner, grab his arm, and run out of the house before his father can throw a glass of whiskey at their heads. Felix runs as far as he can and as fast as he can, supporting Changbin over his shoulder. He has no idea where they’ve ended up, but they made it to a park a few blocks down from the house. The couple sat down on an empty bench to recollect themselves and tend to any injuries.

 

**_“I’m not the boy that you thought you wanted”_ **

‘I was afraid this would happen…’ Felix chokes back a sob as he holds his boyfriends face, running a thumb lightly over the already bruised cheek. He felt an overwhelming sense of guilt seeing the older boys beautiful face beaten up so badly.  


‘So was I,’ Changbin laughs awkwardly, ‘that’s why I showed up.’  


‘Changbin I-’ Felix is crying harder now, unsure of what to say because there are no words. What do you say when your parents think that you are a monster and your father nearly kills the love of your life? Nothing, that’s what. His boyfriend grabs his small hands and squeezes them in a comforting manner

**_“I love him.”_ **

‘I love you, Lee Felix’ Changbin lifts Felix’s chin and wipes away his tears, pulling him into a soft kiss. The older boy’s lips tasted of blood, and his body was still trembling lightly, but they had each other. Any residual worries had melted away as their lips connected.

 

Things were far from perfect, but as long as they were together, they would manage just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I honestly have such mixed feelings about these types of stories but I was inspired by the song and this just kind of happened?? I don't like to write about idols families since we know nothing about them, and I want to believe that Felix's family would be nothing but supportive. This was written purely for the sake of entertainment so please don't take any of this as my opinions of Felix's parents ;(


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